Requiem Of The Lonesome Heart
by Arroja
Summary: New Summary! Itsuki and Mutsuki prepare for the Crimson Sacrifice. What are his thoughts afterwards? PLZ R&R!


_::Requiem of The Lonesome Heart::   
FF2CB One-Shot Fic_

_Done by Arroja_

_Disclaimer: I own not a thing of TECMO's or Fatal Frame so the characters appearing in this Fic are rightfully theirs._

* * *

I stirred in my current position, going almost motionless for what seemed like days. Around me, a deep, dark nightmare was taking place. My ears filled with nothing but the melancholy chants of the priests and chimes of brass staffs being stamped into the packed-dirt and stone ground. My legs tingled with the weight of me on them and my knees burned as they dug into the hard earth. I blinked back the blur, taking in the dark corners of the Abyss. Candles lit around us and flickered with a threatening glow. The moments passed and the chants grew louder and the stamping now picked up it's pace. The atmosphere of the deep Abyss had me twisted in discomfort. Tension was in the air, hand-in-hand with anticipation. My fists remained in my lap; a blood red rope tied around my middle, the other side was connected to you. 

Your voice was just a mere vibration in the ocean of rhythmic sounds and beating of my heart. My eyes fell on everything in the dark cave but you. I couldn't look at you, into those clear, icy blue eyes alike. I refused to. I felt a lump in my throat burn into a bigger mass until it exploded into a silent cry. I felt someone near us and I flinched. Our father, Ceremony Master Tachibana had wandered to us; I sensed an aura of confusion around him just by him standing there. Only if he knew my hurt, my pain...

"It's okay, Itsuki...You can do it." His voice made me bite my lip. I couldn't and I wouldn't. He stepped closer and bent to us. He was going to start it off for me. I shook my head.

"I can do this...I can. Leave." I swallowed back my tears and gripped my sorrow by the collar and yanked it back into the deepest depths of my mind. My head began to lift and my face was now mirrored by you, my twin. You sat there with tears in your eyes, too, with sadness rimmed around them just like mine. You felt the same way I did, not wanting to die, not wanting to leave. I gathered the strength to lift my hands from my lap and encircle them around your neck. God, the strength it took...I hesitated at the smallest contact of our skin. The warmth of it made my heart skip. Your pulse beating under my palm only softened the hard shell that I'd built around myself in that little amount of time. I shook it off and shifted my eyes to yours.

_'You can do it.'_ You mouthed to me. I blinked and entwined my fingers around the back of your neck, wiping away all of the things that held me back from tightening my grip, erasing all of our moments together, just for those few minutes. _'I love you...'_

I clenched my teeth and shook my head. "Don't tell me that!" I yelled. My voice bounced off the stone walls. The chanting and stamping continued only decibels louder and a bit faster. I felt you jump, the pulse under my hands gain it's pace. I didn't mean to scare you... "Don't..." I said softer, letting my sentence die on my tongue like everything else I wanted to say the day before. I realized how I was holding your neck and I loosened my hands but replaced them suddenly realizing what I was doing. I didn't mean to hurt you, either. My face grew hot and fresh tears salted my cheeks in small streams. I didn't want to kill you.

You bit down on your bottom lip and squeezed your eyes shut. You let a veil of jet black hair fall in your face, shielding me away from you, your eyes and your feelings. I felt the urge to look into those gray-blue eyes once more. I wanted to chase all the sadness away from them like I used to but I couldn't now…Not ever…

I felt your blood under my hands grow warmer and your veins began to swell. Recognizing that I'd started, I gripped tighter, holding myself back from letting you go. I closed my eyes and your heart now pumped harder. I clenched my teeth harder as I drained my brother's life from him with my hands. You whimpered softly as you fought not to struggle against me. Seeing you helpless and weak, I burst into a sob. The few times I saw you like this, I hated it. It hurt more than anything in the world. My shoulders shook hard with every cry that slipped from my lips as you weakened in my hands, slowly drifting to the floor. _'I love you, too! Please forgive me!'_ I could only scream it over and over in my head as the priests cut away the rope and pulled me away from you. Screaming it aloud was of no use now, you couldn't hear me...

Seeing you there, on the floor, lifeless, made me crawl away into a ball hiding from the truth. I cried to myself, yelled at myself; beat myself down for what I'd done. But the truth was there, has been there since our birth. You were doomed, we were doomed to this. It was our destiny but I hated how it turned out to be. I could only stare as the Forbidden hauled you over the great Abyss and tossed you into a world unknown. I slowly turned away at the sight and wished that you were here with me already.

* * *

Days fluttered by and I felt more alone than I ever had in my entire life. Though, I wasn't completely alone. Our little sister, Chitose, as blissful as ever, still gave my heart a boost whenever I saw her smile. She'd ask questions, wondering where you are, and I could only say that you left somewhere, and that you'll be back soon. She believed me, hopefully. 

I saw myself in a mirror in the hall days after and saw the grief engraved in my face as lines on my adolescent features. The corners of my mouth sagged with the everlasting frown I wore since that day. My eyes were still flowing with an unreleased sadness as I gazed at myself, only seeing you there, on the other side of the mirror. But I no longer had my black hair. I drowned in my grief that night and my result was a head full of snow white hair.

I couldn't eat, nor could I sleep. Days grew into weeks and Chitose became worried. Her weak eyes couldn't see my sorrow but she knew I was deeply saddened by something. She heard it in my voice, smelled it, the salty tears I cried at night and the scent of despair, thick, like a malignant blanket draped around my shoulders. I was awakened by her small cries one night, confused and scared. I went and cradled her small frame in my arms but I couldn't comfort her the way I wanted to. I couldn't help but cry with her, the both of us repeating how much we missed you.

Nights, those were the worst. I'd close my eyes for a second to only see your smile painted on my eyelids. I smiled too, something I seldom did, imagining it was one of those days when we shared our thoughts, our dreams and secrets. You didn't want to tell me something so I tickled you and you burst into a loud laugh. It sounded so full of life and so happy...so real. I turned on my side expecting to see your face, that unforgettable smile, and I began to cry because you weren't there. I missed you too much to handle.

There were times where you were stronger than me, emotionally. I'd sit for hours and gaze endlessly at the midnight blue night sky wishing for better, for the both of us. I would contemplate on what I'd do without you and I'd always end up lost or stuck in the same place forever. You came out onto the porch and sat with me and we talked about it. You would smile at me, telling me that I worried too much. I only denied it, but knew it was true. You would only return my bad thoughts with smiles, you never worried about anything. Except your own death. I could see it in your eyes that you didn't want to die. I knew too.

The time crept closer and we'd avoided each other, almost ignoring one another until the night before the ceremony. I hugged you tight in my arms and you nuzzled your face into my neck. It was the first time I saw you cry. It made me hold you tighter against me, for your emotional security was something that I'd never seen let down.

How I missed the days when we were younger and I couldn't sleep. I'd turn over and see you facing me, deep in a dreamy sleep. I'd shake you until you woke up and we'd talk for hours or until we both fell asleep.

I missed how scared I got from when Father told us stories to scare us and I'd have nightmares afterward. I cried for you and you came to me, telling me you're here and that no monster can get me through you. You told me that whenever I needed you, just call and you'll come running. I'd kill to have that happen anytime.

I cried for nights and expected you to crawl beside me, like you used to, and take me in your arms and hold me as I cried myself to sleep. The feel of your fingers along my scalp as you raked them along through my hair always seemed to put my mind at ease. I longed to feel your chest vibrate with your voice, to hear you say that you're here now and you won't leave me, but those words never came. You never came. And you did leave...I hope you can forgive me.

Things just aren't the same without you around. I can't live a day without hoping you'd turn up. I feel so alone now that you're gone, a world occupied by myself and no one else. I just want to bring you back just to tell you how much I've missed you, to share my thoughts with you again. To tell you how much I love you. I want you to be there when Chitose cries for you so you can see just how much she misses you too. I just want you to be here by my side again. I just want you back and I promise that I won't let you go ever again.

I wandered the dark halls alone at night just to clear my head, rid of all the thoughts I had of us being reunited again. I thought the impossible. Chitose saw me and she became worried. I tried to explain but stopped myself because she wouldn't understand. I filled her head up with more lies and it hurt to lie to her but she just wouldn't understand. Nobody could. I lost my best friend, my soul mate and my brother. Nobody would understand how I felt. Nobody can ever understand the bond that we shared. It's useless trying to say. The damage done was permanent, all done by me. Did I deserve to lose something so precious to me? Did I deserve a lifelong punishment of loneliness?

I just hope that you can hear me, Mutsuki, and that you can forgive me for not fulfilling our promise. I hope that you still will love me no matter what comes between us. I hope that you are happy where ever you may be and that I'm not so far from following you. I will catch up, so wait for me!

Your Brother,   
Itsuki


End file.
